Week 4 : Depression

There was












































_"jgfs?"











"fdcsl?"












"Ravenface?"

The shecat jerked, blue eyes watery and strained as she blinked herself back to reality. How long had she been out? How much time had passed? She was still in her Herb Stores. Trying to find a solution. Going over and over in her mind what she could use.

"Sorry," the Medicine Cat muttered quietly, trying to get her thoughts in order. Mountainclaw was watching her, his tone wary and his eyes suspicious.

"How much sleep have you gotten?" the tom demanded. His throat might be callous and ruined by sickness but he still had a commanding air to him. Typical tom.

"A fur."

"What?"

Raven blinked, flicked her tail to jolt herself. "A few. I'm fine." Something was on her shoulder, shoving her down to the floor.

Raven was a fiercely proud shecat. She was a fighter. She might not be the best in the clan, but she could certainly hold her own and it was a testement to her exhaustion that instead of biting the tom's paw off she was simply bowled over on her side like a kit in the Nursery. Even after hitting the floor, the shecat stared at the paw on her shoulder without any sort of comprehension dawning on her face. How had that gotten there? What was it doing? She did not need to cure a paw, did she? Did it have a thorn in it? 

"fdklaifje"

Something brushed Ravenface's ear, cuffing her. She looked over in surprise, finding a body and face attached to the paw in question. Oh. Mountainclaw.

"I haven't checked your blood today," Raven mewed, her eyes unfocused. "Where is it?"

"Not in my body apparently," the Warrior responded sourly. "Did you hear what I said?"

"Yes," the shecat answered absently. "How is your coughing? You haven't been bleeding as much. You are doing even better than Brooksong."

Those hard eyes stared down at her, a stern frown on the large tom's face. He was not happy about something. Raven almost asked what it was, but she simply did not have time to deal with his moods. She had to get up and check on Brooksong and Ravenmist. Sandpaw had passed away a few days ago now, and Brooksong had lost heart over it. Ravenmist was still as fiery as ever, but the Medicine Cat was not sure all that bluster would last.

"dfsklf."

It hadn't lasted for Firecloud.

Raven's heart broke all over again at the thought. Firecloud. Spruceheart. Sandpaw. All of them were gone. All of their deaths weighed so heavily on her heart, and yet there was nothing she could do. Nothing in the world could she do to save her clanmates. To save Brooksong or Ravenmist or... Watery blue eyes looked up to the tom above her. -Or Mountainclaw.

The shecat also noticed his mouth was moving. He was talking to her. It was almost as if the sound had cut out. She blinked, her head heavy. "What?"

The tom bared his teeth in frustration at her. "I said, for the final time, you have to rest. You can't do anything now. Brooksong is dead."

Raven blinked. Her brain felt slow. It was not working right. She shrugged off Mountainclaw's paw and rose back to her feet. She looked back at her wall of herbs. She had to find something. Anything. She had to find a cure.

"Well I guess





















Something brushed over the shecat's fur. The dark grey Medicine Cat opened her eyes to see Mountainclaw settling in beside her. The light was different. Daytime. 

"I need to give out herbs," the Medicine Cat mewed.

One large, irritated eye opened to glare at her. "Already did it."

Ravenface looked at the tom in surprise. "How? So fast?"

Mountainclaw picked his head up from his paws to eye the shecat, irritation bled from his pelt but under it... genuine concern. "Ravenface... you have been in the back of the den all day."

The shecat blinked, uncomprehendingly. "I have?"

"You have been staring at those herbs for hours. Mumbling and growling to yourself. You wanted to try Comfry and Ragwort last I listened."

"But comfry-"

" '-is something I already tried on Spruceheart and it didn't work. Do I really have enough left?' "

The shecat's eyebrows rose in surprise as the tom predicted exactly what she was about to say. Mountainclaw only narrowed his eyes. "I told you- You said it earlier. Raven, you are running 'round and 'round in circles and burning yourself down to the quick doing it. Meanwhile, cats are dying and you take such poor care of yourself you are becoming a liability! I don't know enough to save anyone if you lose it! Get it together!"

"I- I'm trying," the shecat whispered helplessly, her voice breaking. She felt water well up in her eyes and her cheeks began to feel wet. She watched as the Warrior's face dropped immediately, not having intended to hurt her. 

"No, Ravenface, I didn't mean that," the tom told her quickly.

He hissed and dug his claws into the nest in frustration, but even that motion was weak. The tom might hide it, but the shecat knew he was fading. Neither of them talked about it. Maybe they hoped if they pretended they did not notice, it would just go away. Mountainclaw had not experienced any blood coughing in quite some time, but his nose had been bleeding and his eyes were bloodshot with his fever spiking more than any cats. Each time Raven tried to asking him about it, to understand this new symptom that seemed to be unique to him, he brushed her off saying he was fine. Even though they both knew the truth. Even though it sat between them, even now, an unwelcome companion that would never let go. Perhaps it was knowing her friend was on his last leg that had pushed the shecat to the edge. 

"Listen, Raven," he said softly, his hoarse voice quiet. "There is something I need to tell you."

The shecat's heart plummeted, almost sensing the next words.

"I know that I won't last muc-"

"Hush," Ravenface snapped, her chest fluttering with panic that pierced even her dense cloud of misery. "Don't you start that on me. You've lasted longer than anyone. You can do this. Just... just keep your strength up and I'll find a cure. If I just work harder I know I will-"

"Would you just listen to me, you daft shecat? I'm trying to tell you that you already found it," the tom growled. Ravenface started in surprise, simply staring. Mountainclaw nodded.

"Do you remember Apples?"

"Of course I remember apples. Large fruit. The skin is good for teeth and the meat is not bad, if I do say so myself, and..." the shecat trailed off as the tom was shaking his head.

"No, do you remember what you said about Apples? Almost a week ago? We were in the stores. You were ranting about Star Clan again. You started talking about just feeding-"

"-everyone apple seeds and being done with it," the shecat finished, a wiry smile curving her tired lips. "Yeah. Great plan that. Apple seeds will kill anything if you eat enough of them and I've got about a thousand since I lived off of them for so long."

"You're right. It worked."

Now Ravenface rolled her eyes at the tom beside her. "You need more sleep than I do. I told you, I can't try it. Not on anyone. It could kill them, and I know this disease does that regardless but without any way to confirm it would work, it is too risky, and- what? Why the face?" Mountainclaw was giving her that look that said he thought she was incredibly stupid.

"I told you. It. Worked. -I tried it."

"You WHAT?!" The Medicine Cat jumped to her feet, fur bristling, exhaustion forgotten. "You idiot! That stuff will kill you!"

"I know."

"That's why you told me not to worry about those nosebleeds!"

"I know."

"And that's why your fever kept getting worse! You weren't just getting sick from a cold, you were spoon feeding yourself poison!"

"I know. And?"

"And what?"

"And I'm not coughing blood anymore."

Ravenface opened her mouth to argue, then snapped it closed. She sat back down. Thinking. Mountainclaw was silent, letting her work through the problem on her own. If he tried to talk now, he'd only get a paw to the face and, honestly, he was too exhausted and had too much of a headache to deal with her anger further. It took a while, so long the tom almost suspected the sleepless Medicine Cat had lost herself in her own thoughts again, caught between a dream and a waking nightmare. Finally, the shecat laid down, watching him.

"That is what shot your fever up," she mewed. "How many are you taking?"

"About a pawful a day."

Ravenface stared at the tom in horror. "That's too much!"

"Well how was I supposed to know a good dosage? And besides, it worked," Mountainclaw pointed out with a growl.

"And nearly killed yourself in the process. You might have beat the disease, but with the wrong dose you just as easily could have died from the cute! How much permanent damage have you done with that stuff anyway? How much of your nerves and brain have been fried? Doesn't that matter?"

"My clan needed me," the tom growled stubbornly. "That was all that mattered."

The shecat pulled back as if struck, turning away. Mountainclaw put a heavy paw on her shoulder, trying to be encouraging. "You did it. You found the cure."

But Raven could not look at him. Could not look at his fever-bright red eyes and thin frame. He might have found a cure, but what price did it come at? What cat would choose this over a clean death? She knew Ravenmist would reject it simply on principle. No, it was useless. She could never attempt something so dangerous on any cat here... but this tom had nearly run himself into the ground to try it. She did not have the heart to tell him he had given his life for his clan, and she would not even use the knowledge he gained.

"Just... go to sleep," she mewed, too tired too strained for more than that. At the tom's sharp glare she rolled her eyes and laid down as well. He was wrong about a lot, but perhaps right about this. She would be no good to anyone if she did not get some rest.

"Ravenface?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it. Now sleep."

And they did, but, when morning came, only one woke up.