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A flaming sword of burning righteousness and also fire!
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Post by ♏aple♢ on Sept 30, 2015 16:57:35 GMT
When her kits had been born, and her head lobbed from her body. No- it was too early. Not while her corpse still lay cooling. While her kits still cried- while her mate still slept. Perhaps it was too.. late. The camp was dark, not even a mouse breaking the solemn silence that hung over the clan. An announcement hadn't been needed. One cat looking into the nursery- one glance at Eveningblaze dragging Duskblaze to his den- and everyone knew. Word had spread quickly throughout the clan, and before long all from the most senior warrior to the youngest kit knew what had transpired here today. Even if not by word, they would have found it by scent. The camp reeked of blood, and red spilled into the soft clovers that marked the nursery's entrance. A warning come too late.
It was the inside of the den that was truly a sight. The sort of which horror stories were made. Tales that not even the cruelest of elders would spin to kits in an effort to scare them into obedience. Life, after all, had a habit of being more horrifying that any image a combination of words could conjure. Blood, wet and sticky clung to every surface. It dappled the walls. Splattered each leaf, like light-caught dust. Soaked into the bedding more deeply than any water. Her body lay broken, pushed to the side. She had been arranged as though she was sleeping. Placed on the cleanest moss that could be found amongst the savagery, she curled in upon herself. Amber eyes- what had been dead before her last breath had left her body- had been shut. Were it not for the blood clotting in her fur and the gap between her head and neck, one might think she was at peace. Perhaps she was, finally. Perhaps she would never be. She would not receive a proper service.
Scorpionstorm would not be slathered in rosemary and mint. Her loved ones would sit a vigil, and words would be spoken. But her body would not be lain with the night through, nor would it be cleaned and presented before burial. There was too much damage. Too much blood. Wounds too extensive, and wounds too deep. Organs and bones were not befitting presentation to kits and apprentices, no matter how beloved the cat was. It would scar them. Damage enough had already been done. Now, they had to deal with the aftermath. They had to comfort the scarred, mourn the lost, bury the body, and of course. Scour the den.
A gruesome task. Not one that many would take on willingly. The taste of blood would hang on the cleaner's tongue for days. Piling bloodied moss in the corner nearest to the body, scrubbing the earth beneath with fresh. Even the taste of the cleaning spring's water wouldn't erase the foul feeling. But someone had to do it. There would always be cats there, preforming jobs that others detested. Serving their clans. Trying to make their lives easier, no matter what way it took. One such cat found herself in that den now. Paws working steadily, a pile of fresh moss in one corner. Focused eyes- one golden, one blue. She had been given this duty by the healer himself, and she would fulfill it. No matter how long it took. No matter how long the taste would stain her teeth and the scent would cling to her nose. No matter what memories it brought back. This was not about her. This was about Marshclan, allowing their youngest members a safe place to sleep. It was about giving their wounded and broken leader a moment's respite- one less thing to think about in a forest of troubles. It was about duty.
The she-cat had been approached by Eveningblaze in the twilight hours. He'd told her to clean while Duskblaze still rested. She would not repeat the words he used, but the she-cat had accepted. And now she worked. Tirelessly scrubbing, pulling grasses and leaves what could not be cleaned. Arranging the body- but not cleaning it. Such was not her place. In truth, she didn't know whether she would have been able to handle it. But on all else, she worked. Until the sun's first rays began to peek through the sky, lightening the camp's dark atmosphere ever so slightly.
Yes, she cleaned. Until she heard a set of pawsteps behind her.
Light, but with a limp. Almost ghost-like. With purpose, but almost hesitant. Tornpelt stopped mid-scrub, staring at the moss between her paws. She knew what he had done here. All cats in the clan did. They were divided. Some called it a necessary evil. Some decried him as a murderer- a rogue savage. Some called it justice. The she-cat... Tornpelt... didn't know what to call it. She'd had time to think, in her time spent in the nursery. Time to listen, as the moon had risen and the clan chatter had died down. There were many kinds of death. As a youth, she had decried all forms of murder. Murder. That was what it was called, when one cat killed another. And yet, what if the cat was to die either way? What if they were causing pain to those around them? Tornpelt had killed. She cursed herself every morning, and repented every night. But this... This was different. This was not murder. It had been mercy.
"You did well."
Tornpelt did not know if she could have done the same.
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Post by Shad on Sept 30, 2015 18:25:06 GMT
Kei The orange tom had only just woken up. He berated himself for sleeping too heavily to have been woken up by his Mistress leaving her den. What would his Masters think? It was unacceptable! He had simply been so tired after staying up so late last night. The pinpricks where Duskblaze's claws had dug into his chest were newly scabbed over and still stung. An especially nice bruise had bloomed overnight spreading from his shoulder to his ribs where he had been tackled. Not to mention Gullkit had decided his front leg was a tasty mouse last night and gnawed on it several times in his sleep. The tom might still be young, but he definite did not have baby teeth anymore. This did not even take into account Kei's other... problem. He felt lightheaded and the ground kept swaying under his paws. He forced himself to hold firm, but he was beginning to wonder how much longer he could survive like this. He needed to think of something. Some way to change his current situation -but he would do that later. When he was less tired. Always tired. Now though, he found his Mistress in the Nursery, cleaning. Thoughtful and helping selflessly as always. Kei could not say he was surprised. "You did well."Kei looked over the bloody nests and broken body of Scorpionstorm. He remembered the other cats he had lost. Remembered the other soldiers that had been too far gone to save. "I would never count this as a victory," he mewed softly, limping forward to help gather the soiled moss and bracken. "This is nothing but the saddest loss. At the very least, I can work to clean the land that was soiled, even if the blood will never come out of the clan's heart." |
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A flaming sword of burning righteousness and also fire!
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Post by ♏aple♢ on Sept 30, 2015 21:11:36 GMT
He was helping. Of course he was. Ever since he'd gotten here, it seemed as though that was all Kei did. Whether the cat in question wanted their help or not. How fitting, then, that he should have been the one to end Scorpionstorm's life. Not a good thing- but a fitting one. Tornpelt spared a look out of the corner of his eye as Kei moved forward, gathering bloodied bedding and moving it towards the pile. He looked tired and thin. They needed to take another visit to Eveningblaze- or perhaps, Tornpelt needed to take one on his behalf. The tom always insisted that he was fine, and yet...
"It isn't." Tornpelt agreed, returning to her scrubbing with a focused gaze. Her eyes were deep. Thoughtful. "Death... should never be an answer. But sometimes...." she trailed off, shaking her head with a sigh. She wondered now, what problems she'd seen in the past could have been solved so easily. Clan cats- most of them would never dare kill a clanmate. Tornpelt would never dream of such a thing. No- you didn't have to dream what was already a reality. She knew what horrors taking a life with your own paws could bring. She had been... surprised, when she had heard that Kei had done such a thing. But perhaps she shouldn't have been. After all, every day he showed more and more surprises. Every day he proved himself less and less a clan cat- and at the same time, more. "You did something that many cats wouldn't have heart enough to do. Duskblaze will be angry with you, and cats will talk about you. But you- Kei... Ah, I don't know." she shook her head again, shoving the moss away. She wasn't as good at talking now as she once was.
"You're a warrior, Kei. Maybe moreso than half the cats here." Moreso than her, perhaps. A true warrior did what was best for the clan, no matter the cost. No matter what cats would say about them, or what consequences would come. They did what was best for the individual and the whole. It was funny, how an outsider seemed to have a better grasp of the code than half the cats she'd seen here. But- she shouldn't think things like that. It was wrong. But what here wasn't? "You deserve a proper warrior name, Kei. At this rate, I doubt either Duskblaze or Honeyheart will give you one. But I..." she paused, finally looking up fully. Bicolor eyes met green, and there was something raw about her gaze. It flickered away as quickly as it had appeared, replaced by thought.
"I will."
It wasn't her place. It would never be her place. Whether the others would acknowladge it or not, Starclan only knew. He might even be exiled when Duskblaze awoke. But Kei had proved himself, these past two moons. He was loyal and brave. Kind, where it counted. Helpful, even when he wasn't needed to be. (Even when cats told him to go away). And he knew what had to be done. If any cat deserved a warrior name it was him. |
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Post by Shad on Sept 30, 2015 23:18:01 GMT
Kei "Death... should never be an answer. But sometimes....""-sometimes it is best for the deceased to let them go, even if it is hard on we, ourselves," the tom finished softly. "In war," he mewed, "not all soldiers come home. As a Knight, I was to lead groups of cats into battle. I was the one they turned to for direction. I was the one responsible for bringing them all back in one piece and I was the one who had to decide which cats would go to the front lines, where almost certain death awaited them." The green tom's eyes drifted to the Queen's broken body. Rather than hardening at the horrid sight, his gaze softened. A cloud of sadness and memory settled over his shoulders. "Sometimes a cat would be wounded more so than any body could handle. Horrible, horrible wounds. There were so many times like this where I had to put down a tom or shecat that had lost themselves in the death craze, too far gone to be saved and rabid with pain to an extent that they killed friend and foe alike."
"And yet, for all those times, there were also cats with the opposite reaction. Doomed, sad creatures who could never be saved and had lost the will to understand the blackness that loomed over them. A soldier came up to me once to report on the front. His squadron had been taken down, his commanding Knight slain and all of his friends gone, but there was no grief in his eyes." Kei's teeth clenched and his claws dug helplessly into the stained dirt at his feet as the memory washed over him. Ren. That had been the tom's name. He was a huge, hulking brown tabby with amber eyes. Kei liked to imagine he had been a cat with a huge family and a happy life. He pretended Ren had a deep barrel laugh that shook his big jowls and made others want to laugh too. He needed that. He needed to think the tom had lived a good life, a happy life, before that horrible day of blood and death where they had met. He would have had big, expressive amber eyes that glowed as warm as a hearth fire on a cold winter's night, bringing all around close to hear his age spun tales. "His eyes saw nothing," he mewed, almost a whisper. "They were glazed over from pain and loss. He did not know where he was. He did not know who I was. He only knew battle and that he had to keep fighting, that if he kept fighting, kept going, maybe he would live to see the next sunrise.""I was young then. Hardly old enough to have been Knighted and only in my second battle. I did not know what to do or what to think. My Masters would have told me to kill him. That the cat was too far gone and it would have been a mercy. Instead... I gave him the order to go home. I told him the battle was over. That we had won because of his valiant efforts. He smiled, a tiny bit of light glinting in that empty gaze."Kei met his Mistress' gaze now, his voice grim. "He thanked me with tears shimmering in his eyes, took two steps away, dragging his spilled and bleeding intestines behind him, and fell down dead, with that same smile on his face.""I did not kill him. I sent him home and, I'm sure in what was left of his mind, he made it there."Kei looked back to Scorpionstorm now, or, what remained of her. "She was not lucky enough to give in to the emptiness that consumed that soldier. She wanted to fight until the end. It was honorable of her, but not worth her agony.""You did something that many cats wouldn't have heart enough to do. Duskblaze will be angry with you, and cats will talk about you. But you- Kei... Ah, I don't know."The tom shrugged such a thought away. Whether he was judged by these cats or not mattered little. What did matter... "I let the doomed soldier live because he was past feeling any pain. I ended the Queen's life because that was all she would have felt until the last of her blood drained out into this dirt. It killed me to watch that good man walk away, knowing what would become of him and knowing I could do nothing, just as it killed me to end the life of so brilliant a shecat, knowing she would never again know peace until the stars came down to free her spirit from its mortal coils. Both deaths pay a tole. The death where nothing can be done, and the death where something must be done. What matters is that the choice, to let live or kill, is made for the cats themselves, never for your own piece of mind. That is what will give you nightmares, Mistress. That is what will keep you awake at night, even in the safety of your nest."Silence. "You're a warrior, Kei. Maybe moreso than half the cats here." "I am a cat," he mewed simply. "No more no less. Knight. Warrior. They are but titles to remind us of what we have accomplished -who we have been." Kei smiled quietly to himself at how true that statement was. Even 'Kei', the name these cats knew him by, was a title, though alive knew that now. He had been born James. It was only after his exile he had taken on the mantle of Kei, the mantle of a Knight turned Demon Slayer. "It is up to us all who we become, each and every day. To rise in the morning is to decide to live, but beyond that, the choices we make and paths we follow, that is what decides who we are.""You deserve a proper warrior name, Kei. At this rate, I doubt either Duskblaze or Honeyheart will give you one. But..."
"I will."The orange tom blinked in surprise. Of all the things his Mistress could have said, this was not one of them. This mind must be malfunctioning because he was opening and closing his mouth but the words to say where not coming to him. Nothing was coming to him. On this, the darkest of days, he was to receive a blessing? He did not know what to say. What could he say? He did not know the proper ritual for this. Well, he knew- "Does that mean I need to hold a silent vigil starting now even though it is the middle of the day? Because I'm pretty sure if I did and Duskblaze found me he would be most upset when I could not further explain myself for last night."Er. Somehow that did not seem like the right words, but he could not think of any others. He was too shocked. Excited and Happy - but shocked. |
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A flaming sword of burning righteousness and also fire!
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Post by ♏aple♢ on Oct 1, 2015 1:39:10 GMT
So wise for a cat so young. He new the ways of war. The sufferings of others, and the suffering of the self. The tragedy that death brought- but also the release. What battle- what war- what pain could do to a cat. In all her moons among the clans... And all her moons alone, Tornpelt had never heard a cat speak so truly from the heart from such matters. So honest- so raw. It made Tornpelt's own heart weak, and she wasn't certain in what way. Perhaps it was sympathy. Empathy. Or... Understanding. Things what she was unused to, after spending so long on her own. Something about his words... resonated, with her. She wasn't sure what. The scent of blood was too heady to think so deeply.
But his words spilled true. What mattered when ending a life was the purpose. Deaths dealt to protect- to spare from suffering and to bring justice. Those were the deaths that were honorable. But those... killed without neccesity, for greed or pride, for wrath or vengeance... For despair. Lives tossed away for personal reasons. Those were the ones that would rest on a cat's conscious. Those were the ones who would make or break a cat.
Those were the ones that had broken her.
Regret and shame washed over the she-cat in waves.Tornpelt closed her eyes, turning back to her work. She would not allow it to show. She could not. This cat.. looked up to her, in an odd way. She couldn't be who she had once been. Not anymore. But the ghosts of her lost still haunted her. Her friends. Her lo-... no. Even now, her name brought back too much pain. But... the ghosts of her selves. They haunted her dreams, both waking and living. This was repentance.
But this was not a story about her. This was a story of warriors and soldiers, and cats taken from this world far too soon. Of ghosts- but not her own. Of all of their spirits and demons. Their virtues and vices. What secrets they chose to spill and what horrors lay bare on their pelts. It was Duskblaze, and it was Scorpionstorm. The family that would never be. It was Eveningblaze, the fierce healer who tried so hard, only to lose time and time again. And it was Kei. A traveler who she learned more and more about every day, with his assumptions and experiences and words she'd never even known. Sometimes, she wondered if the two of them even knew one another at all. She doubted it. But this odd... comradarie, was theirs. That, at least, was hers. Kei had given so much. For her, and for the clan. And now, it seemed, for the life he no longer lived. It was time for her to give something back.
The she-cat let out a soft snort as Kei's now aghast voice entered her ears. Bicolored eyes finally opened, looking back to the golden tom. "That... poses a problem. This isn't the most traditional naming ceremony. But I doubt that our leader will be in any state to criticize from Eveningblaze's den." indeed, the tom had said that his charge would not wake for quite some time. 'If he survived'. "We... wouldn't want you sitting vigil in camp." she meowed slowly, narrowing her eyes. Vigil was just as important a part of becoming a warrior as recieving the name itself. There.. had to be a substitution. "However... if you can make it to the Eastern Lake- you could stand vigil there." It was a walk, certainly. It had been where the two of them had first met. And if anything, his injury had only gotten worse since then. But... a cat had to make due. With the business that was certain to spring to camp once the sun had fully risen, a cat wouldn't be able to get a moment's peace were they to attempt it here.
Perhaps she should have thought this through more. She was no leader. No deputy. She'd played at the game as a kit, but the words seemed lost to her now. Honeyheart had not used them, when naming the warriors at their first arrival in camp. Tradition held little meaning to many of these cats. But... she wanted to do this right, if she was going to do it at all. Rising to her paws, Tornpelt turned. She faced Kei completely, and nodded for him to sit. Words, words, words... They were different for each cat's ceremony, depending on what they had done to earn their name. But now, she would just have to wing it.
"By the light of the stars, I, Tornpelt, warrior of Marshclan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this cat." strong, commanding. But honoring. 'Laurelcloud, Crookedstar... Please. I name him, but don't judge him by my crimes. This cat is worthy.' "He has proven himself time and time again, both in this life and that before. Though he was not born into the clans, he shows initiative, nobility, and a willingness to learn. He works hard to understand your noble code, and I commend him to you as a warrior in his turn." she tried to think back to her youth. Apprentice ceremonies that had flown by. Warrior ceremonies followed by cheer and honor. They were joyous, important occasions. And the traditional words lay on the tip of her tongue even now. Hazy, as though reaching through mist, but almost close enough to touch.
"Kei, do you promise to uphold the warrior code; to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?"
She waited for the tom's response. And when it came, she nodded. A million thoughts ran through her head. Names. Virtues. What would suit him? What would he become? Who was he? A friend? A foe? The lines were blurred. When they'd first met, he was a surprise. When they'd returned to camp, an annoyance. Following her to and fro like a kit after it's mother. But now... Tornpelt didn't know. What she did know, was that he was a good tom. Honorable. Deserving of a name, and deserving of Starclan's grace. Even if Honeyheart and Duskblaze seemed to think not. "Then by the powers of Starclan, I grant you your warrior name. Kei, from this moment on you will be known as Sunheart. Starclan honors your wisdom, kindness, and dedication. We welcome you as a full warrior of Marshclan." Tornpelt leaned down, resting her muzzle on the tom's head. She kept it there, for a moment.
Sunheart. Blazing golden fur, light as the morning's first rays. A mark of his appearance, but also his nobility. The sun kept them warm. It kept them safe. It could take, but it gave so much. The sun was what kept them alive. A very honorable name- not one given to many. And heart. The suffix of truth. Truth to one's self. Truth to one's cause. It was honor, and it was sacrifice. Knowing what you had to do and doing it. Being brave and valliant, but kind and gentle. A heart of sunlight.
Tornpelt pulled away, looking down at the tom. Kei. Sunheart. It suited him, she hoped. |
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Post by Shad on Oct 1, 2015 2:30:25 GMT
Kei "On my honor, I will," the tom mewed, loudly, firmly. So no mistake could be made as to his answer. Then... It happened. The name crashed down on the tom like a physical blow. Sunheart. Sunslayer.So similar. Oh so very similar. The tom's pelt bristled up in horror and his moth dropped open faintly in shock. He did not notice. He was gone -gone reliving another time. Another place. Another name. "You have passed all of your tests with valor and honor befitting that of a Knight."The thick smell of old cats and musty dens clung in the young tom's nose. It was difficult to breathe through. His heart was pounding inside his chest. He wanted to look up from where he kneeled on the floor. He wanted to see his parent's face when he finally received his Title. He wanted to watch the jeering grin appear on the faces of all his siblings. He wanted to look up and see the buggy-old eyes of the Head Master, who had never liked him much and likely looked like he was about to pass something particularly painful. -But Kei did not dare move his head. He did not dare even move his eyes from the small dirt speck they were currently baring into on the thick packed floor. His blood rushed in his veins so quickly he half worried he would not even hear his Knighthood Title at all."James of the Kinsfolk, you have worked long and hard for this day. Today is the day you are Knighted under the warmth of Brother Sun. It is today we name you as we Masters have seen fit by your actions and your heart."Seconds. The seconds seemed to slip by so fast. It was all happening so fast -and so slow. So painfully slow. What would it be? He could hardly breathe. He couldn't breathe. His breath was caught deep in his throat. This was it. This was the moment he had worked for all his life. This was what his whole life had amounted to -this single moment."Rise, tom, and know the world now as we Masters know you."This was it. In a pawful of heartbeats he would rise up before all of the Kinsfolk as a Knight. The cheers would raise up high to the sky and his family would rush forward to congratulate him. All of his friends would yowl their approval up to the heavens and they would feast and drink and dance until long after Brother Sun had left them to the wiles of the Moon. All of those things, all of his life, was just waiting. Waiting for This. One. Moment."Rise, James Sunslayer of the Kinsfolk of the Holy Lights!"The hollow was silent.For a moment, the orange tom thought time itself had stopped. His ears rung with the echoing words and burned in shame. He did not rise. He did not move. He simply stared down at that small dirt speck, his entire body electrified with shock. The whole crowd was silent. The whole world was silent. So horribly, horribly silent.Sun.... slayer? Like... like a Demon Slayer? But... for the most Holy and Light Filled of all Beings, Brother Sun? The Masters had looked into his heart and... had seen that? The tom's orange head jerked up, his green eyes wide with alarm, with fear, and with horror. Surely... surely they were wrong. The Masters were never wrong but, perhaps, -perhaps they had misread his heart. There must be some mistake. There must be-The young tom's eyes met those of the Head Master's and he saw the cruel gleam in them. There had been no mistake. This was all very intentional. Now that he was a Knight, he would no longer be directly under the Masters' control, but this... this was to be their final punishment for all the times he had defied their inhumane laws and vile decrees. This would be his shame to carry with him until his dying day.Sunslayer."May your name serve as a warning," the monster standing over the petrified tom intoned gravely. "We have looked into your heart and seen a desire to follow the Light, but dark impurities as well. May each cat call you by that which you are, which you must never become. Let each time your name is heard be a warning that you walk a thin line and you must be ever watchful you never cross it for in your heart is the death and destruction of all that you know. Go with this, our final lesson, James Sunslayer."Kei did not remember the rest of that day. He did not remember his family quietly coming up to gather him. Or the plain, simple and silent meal a few of his friends had awkwardly shared with him -the ones that would still be associated with him. But he remembered the Head Master's face. He remembered the cruel gleam in the tom's eyes as he sentenced a cat who had only ever sought to do good in the world, to a life of leperousy, branded and forever named as the killer of Light and Justice in his heart, because that small orange cat had dared to defy them. He remembered the scared, choking feeling that had risen up in his throat and strangled his breath as he looked into that face and knew his fate was sealed. Forever.The memory shredded behind the tom's eyes and he found himself looking, wild and scared, at his Mistress. He licked his lips, his throat suddenly very dry. Sweat had broken out all over his body. His skin felt clammy. His heart... his heart stuttered and faltered as if would stop at any moment. They had been right. It was forever. Maybe it really was a reading of his heart. His Mistress seemed to think so now. Kei felt the world spin around him and he fought the urge to shy away from it in horror, to retreat away from any cat. He had cast aside the old name. He had buried it down and told no one of its existence. And yet. Here it was. It had found him again. It must be true. It must be in his heart as the Masters said and not simply a vendetta against him by the Head Master as he had always secretly hoped in his most deepest thoughts and dreams. Kei thought he was going to be sick. He certainly looked it. He... he really was a Sunslayer. |
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A flaming sword of burning righteousness and also fire!
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Post by ♏aple♢ on Oct 3, 2015 21:10:17 GMT
Would he be happy? Proud? Tornpelt was uncertain as to what she should expect. She was no leader- Starclan, she had probably said the words all wrong. But Tornpelt had hoped, at the very least, that Kei- no... Sunheart- would like his new name. He hadn't exactly shown dislike for many things since coming to the clan- well, except for Duskblaze's leadership. But that was to be expected. A stark change- not an honorable one, but a necessary one. But this... Was something completely different. It was supposed to be good. It was supposed to be honorable. It was supposed to be-
Any expectations that Tornpelt had had were shattered in a heartbeat as Kei's expression turned to one of horror.
His green eyes, formerly lit with anticipation and strength, emptied like water from a pool. His fur rose, his jaw dropped. Tornpelt blinked, stepping back while her mind tried to register what was going on. Something... wasn't right. Getting your name was supposed to be an important part of clan life- one of the most vital events in a cat's life. It wasn't supposed to cause reactions like this. Cats weren't supposed to be horrified by their names- even if they didn't like them, they always grew into them. In her experience, at least. This though- this wasn't normal. Did he not like it? He'd talked about the sun being important before- had she misjudged it's importance? Was the name insulting? Had... had she not explained enough of clan life to the tom? "What's... what's wrong? Do you not like it?"
"Its- uh- Sun for your fur. It's bright, and golden, like the- the sun. The sun brings life. It protects us all." she stuttered quickly, trying to ammend the situation. She wasn't the chipper young cat capable of smoothtalking that she'd once been. Too much time spend on her own had taken her ability to deal with situations like these away. Whatever... situations like these were. "And heart. You're- steadfast in your ideals, and stand up for what you believe in. You have a strong heart, that's what that part means. The name Sunheart- it means you have a heart like the sun. Good at protecting and uh- making cats happy, and that you're a loyal warrior. Who stands up for his beliefs. Its a strong name." she meowed, trying to shock him out of... whatever state he'd fallen into. His eyes were empty, save for horror. Starclan, was this what happened when a cat who wasn't leader gave a warrior their name? Was this some kind of divine punishment? What was wrong?
"I- I just gave it to you, but I can take it away! I can give you a new one, if you wan't. Nobody knows it yet, and Starclan wouldn't be angry." she tried to placate the tom. He looked ill. Guilt crashed over Tornpelt in waves. She hadn't- she didn't know what was wrong with him, but she'd just wanted to make him feel like he was part of something again. Like the clan welcomed him, even if... Some cats treated him in ways that suggested otherwise. She'd tough the name a strong, valiant one. One that, after his outburst during Duskblaze's meeting, would certainly suit him. But- she had to have chosen wrong. More mistakes. Tornpelt cursed herself mentally. 'You really can't do anything right, can you?' |
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Post by Shad on Oct 4, 2015 1:40:04 GMT
Kei The tom struggled to pull back the tide of memory that threatened to sweep him away. He tried to focus on his Mistress' words. She... she had meant the name in good tidings, not bad. It was wrong of him to spit on her gift. He should apologize. He should thank her profusely for this kind thing she had done for him. He should smooth his fur, open his mouth and lie, lie for all he was worth. But Kei did not consider himself to be worth overly much and he doubted even that small amount would be enough to make any lie he told even marginally convincing. His scattered, shifting gaze finally met the calico's. His Mistress'. The Brave Demon Slayer with the Demon Taint. One Orange. One Blue. Both wide, both worried. He did not want her worried. She battled with her own demons. He saw it every night. He had not right to cause his Mistress to worry. "I-"Kei found he did not know where to go with the sentence he had started. He what? How much of his shameful past would he be forced to reveal to his Mistress now? How much of the darkness that lived in his soul would he be forced to unfurl with striking words that sunk the poison of sorrow and despair deep into the veins of his being? How differently would this shecat look at him if she knew? And that was when, looking into those bicolored eyes that held more secrets and pain than any cat as warm and caring as his Mistress -as Tornpelt should hold... that was when Kei knew. She wouldn't.And with that, Kei let himself go. He let out all the secrets he had kept inside. He let out the past that had haunted him and stalked his steps for more than half of his entire life time, short though it was. "My-" the tom's words broke, but he forced the rest of the sentence to march onward, like soldiers marching forward into a valley of death, knowing their fate. "My name isn't Kei," he mewed. Gone now was strong and powerful protector that had stood up to the leader for a small band of strangers. Gone too was the sweet but naive simpleton that blindly followed those who were marked as his better. The orange tom's voice was quiet and small, and for once matched the cat he truly was rather than the cat he had made himself to be. He was just a small, plain orange tabby. Just a small, plain tom. In a big bad world that was not kind to those who were small or plain. The statement hung in the air between them for a heartbeat. Maybe two. Kei felt so relieved to finally say it, and yet so terrified at the same time. He had already been judged by so many, judged by so many cats he thought were better that truly were not, judged by so many cats he had trusted that were liars, -judged by one cat he had loved. "Before my exile, I was James SunSlayer of the Kinsfolk of Holy Lights," he mewed, looking directly at his Mistress, letting himself be judged -fully and completely, one last tiime. "Kei was..." the tom clearly had difficulty but continued. "It was a nickname. A name given to me by a friend. Or, rather, a cat I thought was a friend.""You don't know me, Tornpelt," he told the shecat quietly. The name sounded strange on his lips, but he wanted to share his story with her. And not as his Mistress, not his better, or his superior, but, he hoped, as his friend. She would be the first one he had found in a very long time. "But I would like to tell you, and, with your permission, I would like to know you too. Maybe..." the tom swallowed before he could continue, "Maybe then Brother Sun or Star Clan or whatever greater power there is, will let us both have a sort of peace. Maybe then, if you still feel willing, you could give me to them once more for a name, but this time, as a cat who knows all -and can speak truly from your heart."Kei hesitated a moment, unsure where to start. He decided the beginning would be as good a place as any, but it would hardly be fair. The shecat was clearly distressed, even more so by his sudden change of tack. He decided the middle would work just as well -and he could fill in the backward blanks from there. "Sunslayer is a curse," he mewed bitterly. "In front of all of the Kinsfolk the Head Master decreed it to be my name, claiming he and the other Masters had looked into my heart and seen sin. It is a name that means I am the death of all good, all light. It means I have Demons in my heart and I am doomed to kill that which is holy. The name you offer is meant in kindness, not spite and yet..." Kei struggled, his claws digging helplessly into the dirt. "And yet to be named so similarly, to receive a name that is almost the mirror of the ghost that has haunted me since I was small... It is a terrible thing.""It calls into question the hope that had kept me going these past moons. The hope that our fate is our own, to change by our actions and our hearts. To have you name me such now... I wonder if I was wrong. I wonder if the Masters were right -that fates cannot be altered. I wonder if my heart truly is full of blackness. I wonder if I have done right these past moons or if I was merely deluding myself. I wonder if I have been right to hunt Demons to protect innocent. I wonder if I was right to allow you to save me and my tainted soul from that pond. I wonder if I was right to stand up to Duskblaze. All the things I have done, I thought to do in order to help others, but this name... this curse that haunts me... It condemns me to be a killer of good and it has found me, even here, even moons away from any that would know me. How can I trust myself when all I have done in my life is wrong? How can I see this as anything but a sign? A sign that my heart is still filled with the darkness it was decried to harbor all those moons ago? The darkness I have spent a lifetime trying to purge?"The tom saw the confusion swimming in the gnarled shecat's eyes and back tracked slightly, trying to make things easier. "The Masters, the ones who gave me my name, name all of the Knights based on what they see in the tom or shecat's heart. My father was Kinghand, a natural leader. My mother, Nightslayer, a killer of the corrupt. The Masters know all. They raise each Knight from Page to Squire to Knighthood. They had been my caretakers since I was small.""I lived with my age group, Pages as older kits and then Squires when we grew old enough for proper training to become a Knight. The Masters were harsh, brutal and cruel, but only to toughen us up. No cat would save us from the Demons of the world. Sometimes the lesson was how to survive a month with no food. Sometimes it was how to fight three cats bigger than ourselves. Sometimes it was how to set a bone- when it was your own and it had been broken for a week. The lessons always pushed us to our limits, physically and psychologically. Often it pushed us passed them, and sometimes it pushed a cat so far they..." The tom trailed off, unable to speak about those dark days when the Squires would report for their morning duties, and one did not raise from their bed. Every cat knew what it meant. Every cat prayed to Brother Sun that it would not be them or their friends laying there the next morning. "I lost many friends." The words were faint, a whisper. "The Masters said to never pay heed to the... sleeping. They said they had been too weak and Brother Sun had judged them unworthy. It was hard for us when a Squire was lost, but even worse was when you knew you were next.""Some cats could not learn fast enough and fell under the lash of the Masters' claws. Some cats ate too much. Some cats ran too slow. Some cats were too fearful. All shortcomings were met with a swift swipe, extra training, and a missing meal. When the training took up your whole day and you had to stay up long into the night to do extra, when your stomach was already a painful knot from lack of food, when you simply could not raise your paw that weighed more than the earth itself to correctly block a battle move..." Kei shook his head. "You knew when you hit the edge. You could feel it. Worse, the cats around you could see it. The light would slowly fade from your eyes. Your claws would dull as you forgot to sharpen them. Your voice would go as you screamed in the night. Your bones would peak out from your sides and you would never even notice as you kept pushing, trying to keep up, trying to stay alive one more day."
"I hit that point a few times," Kei admitted, "but when I was there, it was always by choice."This then was a new twist, and a bitter one for the small tom. "I just could not behave. I was the biggest thorn in the Masters' collective sides for five generations. I could not help myself. I knew to be disobedient was to invite evil into my heart, to open the door to Demons and their ilk, but I could not help it!" The tom's tail lashed and his teeth gritted. "I watched too many cats pass on when I knew I could have stopped it. One more meal. One withheld strike in battle training. One offered mouse to hide their lack of prey when we hunted... Just one. Then just one more. And another. And another. The Masters could never catch me, although they suspected and punished me harshly for it, but I could not help it. They said their lessons were necessary. They said to weaken the others would only make them die that much faster as Knights. I just could not stop. I... I was selfish," the tom admitted gruffly. "I was afraid the times when a cat did not wake up. I was lonely when it was one of my friends. I was miserable when I knew I could have stopped it -even if it made them weaker, even if it sabotaged them for the future, at least they would have a future, wouldn't they?"Kei sighed and looked at his paws. "I should have reigned in my desires. I should have listened to the Masters rather than incur their ire. They were right. My disobedience did bring Demons into my heart. I opened the door and never once thought twice about letting him in."The tom grimaced, but he was done running from this. The shecat in front of him would offer him a new future. He owed it to her to give her his past. "I met Ika when I was still a Page, hardly old enough to be out of the Kinsfolk grounds and even then I had wandered too far. I found him being bullied by some other cats and, well, let's say I had not yet learned how to restrain my inner desires to smash a cat's face in when he was behaving cruelly -even if he was twice my size and had two friends."A ghost of a laugh flashed across the tom's face at the memory. "We looked just alike, Ika and me. We hit it off great, even though we actually were complete opposites. Ika lived in a world of evil and Demons, with danger around every corner and murderers lurking down every alley, yet he was always so bright and happy. He was the strangest cat I had ever met, and I found wanted to know more about him.""The Masters told me he was a Demon." The words tasted like ash on the tom's tongue. "They said I could pass my free time in his company only so long as I never forgot that. The Masters were good cats. They practiced tolerance and peace when possible -but always vigilance. They warned me I could never become a true friend to Ika, that he was born to Demons and would remain so always. And I..."Kei's shoulders slumped. "I thought they were liars.""Ika was my friend, no matter what others said. We grew up together. We grew close together. He was so small, so frail -and always prone to panicking in a tight situation, but he had the warmest smile of any cat I had ever met. Even as a worthless Squire, he made me feel like a Knight. Every time I was with him I was reminded of why I wanted to protect others, of why I worked so hard each day and took each beating with a grace I could not feel. I even asked Ika one day to give me a name more like his own, so that even though I came to visit him from what felt like an entirely different world, we could pretend I didn't. We could pretend we were closer than the eons that separated us. He was the one that gave me the name Kei. As I grew up, it seemed like he was the one that gave me my will to fight, to wake up each day despite the horrors that would await me. Ika made me fight to be better and made me feel stronger for it. -How could a cat like that be a Demon? How could they possibly be a force of evil in the world?"The tom's green eyes hardened. "I was a naive fool.""The Masters saw this. They did everything in their power to dissuade me from seeing my friend. Sometimes I would have to double my work load. Sometimes my father would be called in to try to talk some sense into me. Sometimes they would simply give up on all fancy pretenses and attempt to beat the Demon out of me. More than once I passed out after hours of tooth and claw digging into my fur -but even so I was like a cat possessed. I would not give up my Ika. In some ways, I suppose I truly was."Kei met Tornpelt's gaze and did not attempt to hide the truth, the terrible, horrible truth. The darkest sin in his black heart. "I loved him."It was terrifying to say. Kei, a tom who had lived through wars and tortures and depravities no cat should ever suffer, was terrified. To admit such a thing... He truly must be a black-hearted tom, assuming he was not even a Demon himself! "It was wrong. I know it was wrong. Wrong in every way that I had ever been taught. Evil. Nothing but evil and sin and corruption and-" the toms ears were down now and his claws firmly latched into the packed earth as he castigated himself. Gah! He truly was evil! No wonder the curse had followed him! He had not changed! He had not changed in the slightest! When he thought of Ika he still... He still... ARGH! What was wrong with him? Why could he not purge the darkness in his heart? Why could he, who had lived his whole life in the service of the devout and holy, not cast out the shame that haunted him and welcomed Demons into his soul? Why could he not remove the thorns that had been sown so deeply into his heart and slowly blackened it? Oh may Brother Sun have mercy on him. It took a long time for the tom's inner hatred to die down enough for him to regain himself. It took even longer for him to start up the story once more. He had come full circle now. The tale almost brought to a close. "The Masters looked into my heart and saw that evil, even though I had not realized it yet at the time. On the day I was Knighted they gave me that name. They dubbed me Sunslayer, knowing the treachery that lurked in my heart. Even then I defied them for it. I lost everything when I was given such a horrid title. No cat would trust me, many would not even endure my presence, but I did not lose heart, blackened though it was. I fought for my people, for my cause. Cats would not see me, so I fought and worked and strove forward until I was all they could look at. I brought honor to my family and whispers even lurked that I might one day take my father's place.""-But still I kept my Demon. Still I clung to the darkness that I had unknowingly let into my soul.""When my father finally did what would have been best for me and forbade any further meetings with the tom, the tom who was reputed to have been using my name to his advantage and earning favors from others, keeping his nest by dishonest means, I was hotheaded and brash. I claimed the rumors to be false. I knew my Ika would never sully himself. I knew he was an honest, fair, and good cat who did not deserve the harsh criticisms placed upon his sweet head merely because of his background. I went to find him that night and..."Agony burned in the tom's gaze. He could not look at Tornpelt now. He could not look at anyone now. He merely looked down at his paws as shame overwhelmed him, curling his abnormally short tail over them. "I was ambushed. Caught my tail in a trap and could not escape. There were three toms, just like the first time we had met, ironically. They..." Kei's voice caught. He had promised this shecat the truth. She would get it. He had enough honor to do that much at least... he hoped. "They beat me and... They did things to me. Things not physically meant to be done to any tom -and not meant for any shecat either if a cat is anything better than the lowest sadist. Ika found me with them and-" Kei closed his eyes, praying for strength. He doubted Brother Sun would have any for a cat such as him now but he prayed all the same. "-and had them let me go by biting the end of my tail off. I was too weak too move. I just laid there, silently begging Ika to run. He ran alright. -Right into the arms of the toms that had just beaten me. He seduced them, mated with them, as I lay there dying in my own blood and the other toms' filth. I still remember the sound of their laughter before the blackness took me."Silence. What else was there to say? "I got what was coming to me," the tom mewed darkly. "I should have listened to my Masters. I should have listened to my family. Instead, I tossed their warnings that Ika was a Demonspawn and allowed myself to fall into darkness. I truly was the filth I had thought to protect the world from. The Kinsfolk found me and healed me. I could not stay after what had happened. I healed for three weeks, then started my exile, not even having crested my second year. I tried to help those I could. I slayed the Demons I found. I knew there was no redemption for me, but I hope to save others from falling down the path I had trod.""I took on the name Kei as it was all I had left after my exile -and so that I would not forget the treachery of the Demons that threaten to destroy us. Everywhere I have gone I have seen them and acted as the claw of justice, while damned to my fate. And yet here... here I find the strangest cats. I find cats that rage as Demons at time but are calm as saints in others. I find a Demon Slayer acting as a pauper and a rogue acting as a Leader. I find all mix of light and dark that all my life I have been told to keep separate. Long I have carried the memory of what Kei means, and even longer still have I carried the curse of the Sun."
"You have heard this Knight's tale now. You know of my sins. Of my shame. Of my true name. Knowing all of these things, what would you do with me, Tornpelt? Surely there is no cat that has sinned more than I and no cat less worthy of a name given by so kind a cat as you. Now that you know who I have been in my life, I ask, would you still chose to name into your clan a cat such as me? I know so little of your ways, I know so little of you, but what I do know makes me yearn for more. You inspire me, Tornpelt. I would know more of your clan, and of you, if you would let me."
I would be not just a servant, but a friend and a-.... a clanmate, if you would see fit to still offer me a name, despite the blackness of my heart." |
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