Post by Shad on Nov 17, 2015 0:58:31 GMT
The world was cold as ice and yet her fur felt like it was on fire.
Burning hazel eyes were tiny slits against the freezing wind. Her paws pained her from where they sunk into the snows, frigid and cold. She was running, so they only hit the snow because she could not move fast enough. If she was faster, they would hit the snow less, and thereby the pain would be less, and thereby she had to run faster.
Sweetfang pumped her long, powerful legs even harder, dragging in air with ragged gasps through her muzzle. The air itself froze and shocked her vulnerable lungs, freezing and stinging like a whip cracking her insides, but she could hardly stop breathing, any more than she could stop putting her paws down into the frigid snows.
It hurt. The pain was good though. So good. The pain was something she could handle. It was something she could understand.
"Woah! You are so big!"
"You're like a mountain!"
Sweetie bared her fangs at the two curious kits as she lounged outside the Elder's Den. "Scram, laddies."
"Woah! Your fangs are huge too!"
"Did you ever fight a beaver?"
Sweetie's ears flicked down and up again, confused. They were not afraid? "Ah... Noe. 'Fight' would mean tha beast had a chahnce befoer Aye rripped its 'ead off," she answered slowly. Suspiciously.
Two big sets of blue eyes. Ah, yes. There be tha fear.
"AWESOME!"
What?
"COOL!"
Wha- "Oi!"
The two toms had launched themselves on top of her. Sweetie shot to her feet in alarm, sending both tumbling to the floor, but they only scrambled back. As bad as bees, this 'lot. They were stuck on her like honey! What did they want? What were they doing?
"Come on! You should play with us!"
"Yeah! You'd be a great bear!"
"Aye am noe beyar!" Sweetie hissed in protest, ears down and tail... sweet summers, her tail was curled under her body like a simpering kitten! She was NOT scared! She quickly righted it, bristling and flicking it behind her in a clear sign of aggression.
Big eyes again, but accompanied by big smiles.
"Perfect!"
"Very bear like! Can you stand on your hind legs too?"
"Aye... Aye..." Sweetie looked from one to the other, feeling overwhelmed.
She did not know what to do. They were not attacking her, but she still felt cornered. She did not like feeling cornered. Why were these two talking to her? What was their plan? Where they a distraction for an attack? A quick scan of the camp showed her the kits were out, along with Swanstrike who was watching her with a scowl, but... that was it. No cat sneaking up behind her, no attack forming in the wings. It was... quiet. Sweetie did not trust quiet, nor did she trust these strange kits. Her fur bristled with discomfort. She did not like it. Every warning bell she possessed was ringing as loudly as possible in her huge ears.
"What's wrong?"
"Don't you wanna play?"
"Aye..." Sweetie looked back at the two. She wanted to hit them. Smack them. Bite them. Anything just to get them away from her and get rid of this uncomfortable feeling inching up her spine but Swanstrike was watching and Starlingfur would get mad at her and she did not want to have another Flickerkit-Incident.
"Aye..." Hazel eyes caught sight of Swanstrike taking a possessive step toward her. Sweetie's ears lowered and her fangs bared.
"Just shove off," she spat at both of them and darted back into the Elder's Den to escape. -No. Not Escape. Sweetie never escaped. That implied running away. She never ran away. She was never afraid. Never. Not of anything.
She had just...
She...
Sweetfang ran faster. Trying to focus on the pain in her paws, in her lungs, slowly building in her legs. She was not a cat built for endurance and she tired quickly, especially in this sort of weather, but curse it all in fire and blood, she did not want to stop! She had to get rid of this! Whatever 'this' was!
"Hey there!"
Sweetie looked up from her morning meal to see a large, soft white cloud coming up to her. She stiffened. The cat stopped.
"May I sit?" she asked.
"Why?"
"Well, I should like to have breakfast with you, if no one else plans to, that is."
"Why?"
The cat seemed confused. "Well, because I know you are new. I'm Swanstrike by the way."
"I know." Flickerkit talked about her. When she dreamed. When she cried in her nightmares. It was annoying and disconcerning. Sweetie wished the brat would stop it.
This information seemed to brighten the shecat though. "You do? Oh, well I feel so special!" the queen gushed, flopping down next to her.
Sweetie yanked herself away as if scalded by their fur brushing, hissing in alarm and fury. What was this cat doing? Why was it touching her? She did not want it touching her. She did not trust it. It could still be hostile. Why did it want to eat with her anyway? What did it matter if she ate alone? That was her choice, wasn't it?
Swanstrike's eyes went huge and her tail curled close over her paws at Sweetie's movement. "Oh my! What's wrong? Did you hurt your side? Did I hit it? Did you hit the bramble wall on your way in? I've done that once or twice. My fur normally cushions it though, but I guess yours is too short. I am so sorry. Here, let me see i-"
The queen reached out to smack her and Sweetie growled low and dangerously in her throat, unsheathing her claws and raising a paw to fend off this hostile enemy. She swiped the cat's paw away, lightly grazing it, but did not move to further engage. Starlingfur had been clear. There was to be no fighting in camp, but this queen had gone for her side intending to injure her and Sweetie was not going to take that lying down! Her short golden fur bristled and she chuffed a harsh warning.
"Ouch!" Swanstrike yelped and pulled away, deep blue eyes big and horrified. What? She was surprised? She had expected Sweetie to just let her take a chunk out of her side? As if! She might just be a rogue compared to these 'Warriors' but she was no one's Omega!
Sweetie flicked her clawed paw in another warning, her growl still holding deep in her throat and Swanstrike winced. Ahhhh. Sweetie knew this type. A previous Omega. Someone had beat her once before, Sweetie could see it in her eyes. Now she probably thought she could get revenge. Oh no. Not this cat, princess.
"Keep yer paws off, lassie," she snarled.
"I just wanted to help," Swanstrike whimpered, pulling away.
Sweetie's hazel eyes narrowed. Help? What the devil was she talking about? Help what? What could she possibly need help with while she was sitting here, minding her own business and eating prey? Swanstrike looked genuinely hurt and an alien feeling crept up Sweetie's spine. What was it? Guilt? Why? This cat went for her! She had every right to take a chunk out of her side in retribution! But... Swanstrike looked so crushed. What... what was going on? What was wrong? Was she hurt Sweetie was stronger than her? What kind of mousebrain would not realize that on sight? Sweetie felt she was missing something here and it made her nervous. She did not like being nervous. It tended to make her bite things. Hard. Her teeth were bared still, just in case.
"I only wanted to be friends. I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone."
The queen rapidly retreated and Sweetie felt vastly uncomfortable. Friends? What? What madness was this lass caught with? Did she not see her? Did she somehow miss how obviously not-friendly Sweetie was? She did not have friends! She did not want them! They... they just lied and cheated and stabbed cats in the back with their incredibly sharp claws. Why the devil would she want something like that? And why did she feel so bad right now? She hated it! She wanted to make it stop!
A furious chuff stuttered through the air, echoing back through the trees at her. She was running in circles. She knew that. She was running and rerunning back over her own tracks, circling the same clump of trees over and over. Sweetfang did not care. Anything was better than standing still and freezing. No- that was wrong. She would take standing still and freezing over going back there. Back to that horrid camp with its 'play' and 'friends' and 'one of us'.
Sweetfang snarled again and tried to run faster, but her strength was already gone, no matter how much her frustration continued to burn. Demons take this worthless carcass, she could not hold a candle to the stamina of a cat half her size. She might have power, but she tired too quickly. Always had. Always would. Her race had already slowed to a trot. She dug her claws into the snow, ignoring the freezing ice that clung between her toes. She would bite it out later.
"Starlingfur." The crowd had faded. Cats had gone back to their lives. Sweetie -no, Sweetfang, trotted up to the queen before she could reunite with her kits. Queens did not like her by kits and she needed to talk first.
"What is it? I know you are new, but you are breaking your vigil right now. It is an important Clan custom. What is so important?"
"Aye..." the huge golden feline fumbled for words. "Aye uhm...." She what? What? "Why?" she finally demanded. Demanding was better. It was easier. To demand was better than to question as questioning implied weakness. "Why am Aye a Warrior?"
"You came here to join us..." The queen's eyes narrowed within her impassive face. "Did you not?"
"Aye," Sweetfang agreed with a nod.
"Then what is the problem, Sweetfang?"
The shecat opened her mouth, then shut it, then opened it again. The words would not come.
'Sweetfang'?
Was that what her new name sounded like when someone used it? Was that the sound she would hear from now on when someone yelled at her? Or hissed at her? Or... just... called to her?
Something was bubbling up inside the shecat and she had no idea what it was. It felt so strange. It was warm and growing but did not have the burning taste of rage or the scalding taste of shame and regret. It... it felt... better than that and it was entirely unnerving. Sweetfang was feeling so many different things lately and it was getting to be too much.
"Sweetie?" the leader asked, sensing something obviously wrong. A small disapproving frown marred the old tabby's face. "You suggested that name so if you don't want it then-"
"Noe!" The word was out before she could stop it. Curse it. That had been too quick. Too desperate. What was wrong with her. "Aye...Aye want to be Sweetfang."
Why did that feel so strange to her? Why did it feel like she was committing to more than just some strange name right now? Why was she scared?
"Aye..."
Starlingfur cocked a brow but waited.
"Aye want to be Sweetfang. In Cedar Clan," the shecat mewed quietly, bowing her head.
The words felt strange, foreign and thick in her throat. Sweetie... Sweetie did not want anything from anybody. If she wanted it, she got it herself, but this was something she could not get alone. This was something... more. Somehow. Someway. She was not sure. She was not sure at all how any of this worked or applied to her or why she felt weird right now. She was just here to pass the time. A new thing to try out over the winter, when she could not do much. It was hardly a big deal. It did not matter to her. She could leave whenever she felt like. She should probably have left already. That pinecone head Birchtail certainly wanted her to, and so did a few other cats more likely than not. She felt uncomfortable in camp with their 'play' and 'friends' and whatnot. It made her fur bristle and itch with discomfort -so why did she want to be here? Why was this silly name bringing a lump to her throat? Why is it when she said had those words, it sounded almost like 'Thank you' instead of just some repeated proclamation?
Sweetie did not need anyone. She certainly did not need to thank anyone. She did everything On. Her. Own. What did she care about some silly name she would probably just ditch in the spring when the snows melted?
...
But.... she did care. Somehow. Someway. It felt strange. Uncomfortable. She was not sure what to do. She... she almost wished she had someone to turn to. She almost wished she had a family she could ask for help from... An image flared up of Sweetie's mother and the shecat hastily recoiled mentally from the thought that scalded her like a brand in her mind.
Starlingfur's face gave away nothing but as her golden eyes watched the confusion and frustration playing out on Sweetfang's face at not being able to find the right words or even truly understand what she wanted to say, the leader's face did soften slightly.
"Sweetfang... have you made any friends in Cedar Clan yet? Found someone you could talk to?"
The huge golden rogue made a face of revulsion but wisely held her tongue and shook her head. No.
"Then let that be your first task as a Warrior. Get to know a clanmate. You are one of us now."
Sweetfang's gaze locked on the Leader's and her eyes were wide with shock. 'One of us'? She had never been one of anything bigger than one before. Sure, she had lived in groups, but that had been partnerships. The second her ability to fight or perform lowered, there was no question as to where she would be, or what position she would find herself in.
'One of us'.
Sweetfang had not known what to say, so she merely gave a brisk nod and bolted to the Wall to begin guarding.
'One of us' ?
Sweetfang's paws stopped, her legs quivering slightly from both the cold and the effort she had expended on her run.
Play. Friends. One of us.
The shecat stared at the snow between her paws without truly seeing it. She did not understand this. Any of this! These cats... they were so strange. They invited her to do things she had never done before. She knew of them, of course. She was not stupid, but... but no one did those things with her. Sweetfang's growl of frustration and confusion rumbled deep in her throat. She wished she could fight. She wished there was something she could battle. Blood and Bone she understood. Pain and Anger were her friends. She could relate to those. She understood those.
And yet this clan held none of it!
Aside from Flickerkit and Birchtail, these creatures could hardly even call themselves cats! They were like prey! Really, really big prey! Sweetfang wondered how such a simpering bundle of tree-huggers had not only not been obliterated by natural selection long before this, but had managed to stay alive together for two whole seasons without someone stronger and tougher coming in to wipe the whole mutant clan off the face of the forest. Cats simply did not act this way! They were not nice without reason! They did not just welcome others with open paws without a fight! They did not just 'play' with monsters that could eat them for breakfast! They did not just 'make friends' with an animal that could rip them limb from limb with hardly a moment's thought!
Sweetfang caught sight of a partially frozen pond to her left. She smashed a paw through the thin layer of ice, feeling marginally better, and reached down to take a drink. She paused as her reflection looked back at her with a strange expression. It was not anger or fury or sarcasm. It was... confusion. Innocent confusion. She almost looked like a cat.
A cat.
Was that it? Was that why all of this felt so strange? Monster. Animal. Beast. Predator. Savage. These were all the names Sweetfang knew, and knew them well. They described her. They were what she was. She was not a cat. No one had ever let her forget that... So why were these cats trying to? Why were they treating her so differently than a beat and so much like any ordinary cat they saw down the path? It... it was not right. It did not feel right. She did not understand. She did not trust it.
But did she want to?
She hardly knew, and that scared her even more. Sweetfang lived a life of hostility and battle. There had always been the threat of attacks on all sides. That was the way of the Wild. She could never be 'a cat'. She could not change who she was, as much as ... Well, she did not want to. She was fine. Just fine. She did not need to be some dumb cat to be happy. She could rip a cat in half with hardly a bit of effort! Why should she envy a being that was weaker?! She should be insulted that these cats treated her like an equal to them!
But that just sounded like bravado, and not a good one at that. Sweetfang's face was contorted with confusion and loss. She... she just did not understand. She wished there was something even moderately familiar in this clan. She hardly longed for the days of waking up expecting an attacker in her nest or fighting to earn her meal, but... but she could not handle all this clanness surrounding her! That was why she was out here. That was why she had needed to run. Their.... kindness... it... well... it was not bad. At least, she did not think it was bad. It could still be a trick but it did not seem like it was but it... it made her so uncomfortable! And so confused! And there were all these cats all the time always trying to talk to her instead of fight her and it was just too much and-!
Sweetfang took a moment to stick her head between her paws into the soft snow, praying the cold would help ease her frustration. This was just too much. Even if it was not bad... or ... did not seem bad... maybe... Ugh! She just could not handle it! It was pressing in on her from all sides and she did not know what to do! She needed something familiar. She needed to fight. She needed hostility. She needed something that she knew how to handle amid all this.... this..... niceness. Even if it was potentially a good thing, it was too foreign for her. She had to get away from it. She had to. She needed something she knew. She needed something she could understand! Something that made sense in the crazy upside down rabbit hole she had stumbled into! She needed something to ground her in this strange, crazy world that she did not want or understand. God, she just needed-
A crunch sounded behind the shecat. A paw on snow. Sweetfang whirled around, fangs bared and hazel eyes flashing as a hiss spilled passed her lips. There was no bite behind it though. Her eyes were more filled with fear and confusion than anger, their soft green gaze betraying how the shecat truly felt.
She was vulnerable, and any cat could see it.
Burning hazel eyes were tiny slits against the freezing wind. Her paws pained her from where they sunk into the snows, frigid and cold. She was running, so they only hit the snow because she could not move fast enough. If she was faster, they would hit the snow less, and thereby the pain would be less, and thereby she had to run faster.
Sweetfang pumped her long, powerful legs even harder, dragging in air with ragged gasps through her muzzle. The air itself froze and shocked her vulnerable lungs, freezing and stinging like a whip cracking her insides, but she could hardly stop breathing, any more than she could stop putting her paws down into the frigid snows.
It hurt. The pain was good though. So good. The pain was something she could handle. It was something she could understand.
"Woah! You are so big!"
"You're like a mountain!"
Sweetie bared her fangs at the two curious kits as she lounged outside the Elder's Den. "Scram, laddies."
"Woah! Your fangs are huge too!"
"Did you ever fight a beaver?"
Sweetie's ears flicked down and up again, confused. They were not afraid? "Ah... Noe. 'Fight' would mean tha beast had a chahnce befoer Aye rripped its 'ead off," she answered slowly. Suspiciously.
Two big sets of blue eyes. Ah, yes. There be tha fear.
"AWESOME!"
What?
"COOL!"
Wha- "Oi!"
The two toms had launched themselves on top of her. Sweetie shot to her feet in alarm, sending both tumbling to the floor, but they only scrambled back. As bad as bees, this 'lot. They were stuck on her like honey! What did they want? What were they doing?
"Come on! You should play with us!"
"Yeah! You'd be a great bear!"
"Aye am noe beyar!" Sweetie hissed in protest, ears down and tail... sweet summers, her tail was curled under her body like a simpering kitten! She was NOT scared! She quickly righted it, bristling and flicking it behind her in a clear sign of aggression.
Big eyes again, but accompanied by big smiles.
"Perfect!"
"Very bear like! Can you stand on your hind legs too?"
"Aye... Aye..." Sweetie looked from one to the other, feeling overwhelmed.
She did not know what to do. They were not attacking her, but she still felt cornered. She did not like feeling cornered. Why were these two talking to her? What was their plan? Where they a distraction for an attack? A quick scan of the camp showed her the kits were out, along with Swanstrike who was watching her with a scowl, but... that was it. No cat sneaking up behind her, no attack forming in the wings. It was... quiet. Sweetie did not trust quiet, nor did she trust these strange kits. Her fur bristled with discomfort. She did not like it. Every warning bell she possessed was ringing as loudly as possible in her huge ears.
"What's wrong?"
"Don't you wanna play?"
"Aye..." Sweetie looked back at the two. She wanted to hit them. Smack them. Bite them. Anything just to get them away from her and get rid of this uncomfortable feeling inching up her spine but Swanstrike was watching and Starlingfur would get mad at her and she did not want to have another Flickerkit-Incident.
"Aye..." Hazel eyes caught sight of Swanstrike taking a possessive step toward her. Sweetie's ears lowered and her fangs bared.
"Just shove off," she spat at both of them and darted back into the Elder's Den to escape. -No. Not Escape. Sweetie never escaped. That implied running away. She never ran away. She was never afraid. Never. Not of anything.
She had just...
She...
Sweetfang ran faster. Trying to focus on the pain in her paws, in her lungs, slowly building in her legs. She was not a cat built for endurance and she tired quickly, especially in this sort of weather, but curse it all in fire and blood, she did not want to stop! She had to get rid of this! Whatever 'this' was!
"Hey there!"
Sweetie looked up from her morning meal to see a large, soft white cloud coming up to her. She stiffened. The cat stopped.
"May I sit?" she asked.
"Why?"
"Well, I should like to have breakfast with you, if no one else plans to, that is."
"Why?"
The cat seemed confused. "Well, because I know you are new. I'm Swanstrike by the way."
"I know." Flickerkit talked about her. When she dreamed. When she cried in her nightmares. It was annoying and disconcerning. Sweetie wished the brat would stop it.
This information seemed to brighten the shecat though. "You do? Oh, well I feel so special!" the queen gushed, flopping down next to her.
Sweetie yanked herself away as if scalded by their fur brushing, hissing in alarm and fury. What was this cat doing? Why was it touching her? She did not want it touching her. She did not trust it. It could still be hostile. Why did it want to eat with her anyway? What did it matter if she ate alone? That was her choice, wasn't it?
Swanstrike's eyes went huge and her tail curled close over her paws at Sweetie's movement. "Oh my! What's wrong? Did you hurt your side? Did I hit it? Did you hit the bramble wall on your way in? I've done that once or twice. My fur normally cushions it though, but I guess yours is too short. I am so sorry. Here, let me see i-"
The queen reached out to smack her and Sweetie growled low and dangerously in her throat, unsheathing her claws and raising a paw to fend off this hostile enemy. She swiped the cat's paw away, lightly grazing it, but did not move to further engage. Starlingfur had been clear. There was to be no fighting in camp, but this queen had gone for her side intending to injure her and Sweetie was not going to take that lying down! Her short golden fur bristled and she chuffed a harsh warning.
"Ouch!" Swanstrike yelped and pulled away, deep blue eyes big and horrified. What? She was surprised? She had expected Sweetie to just let her take a chunk out of her side? As if! She might just be a rogue compared to these 'Warriors' but she was no one's Omega!
Sweetie flicked her clawed paw in another warning, her growl still holding deep in her throat and Swanstrike winced. Ahhhh. Sweetie knew this type. A previous Omega. Someone had beat her once before, Sweetie could see it in her eyes. Now she probably thought she could get revenge. Oh no. Not this cat, princess.
"Keep yer paws off, lassie," she snarled.
"I just wanted to help," Swanstrike whimpered, pulling away.
Sweetie's hazel eyes narrowed. Help? What the devil was she talking about? Help what? What could she possibly need help with while she was sitting here, minding her own business and eating prey? Swanstrike looked genuinely hurt and an alien feeling crept up Sweetie's spine. What was it? Guilt? Why? This cat went for her! She had every right to take a chunk out of her side in retribution! But... Swanstrike looked so crushed. What... what was going on? What was wrong? Was she hurt Sweetie was stronger than her? What kind of mousebrain would not realize that on sight? Sweetie felt she was missing something here and it made her nervous. She did not like being nervous. It tended to make her bite things. Hard. Her teeth were bared still, just in case.
"I only wanted to be friends. I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone."
The queen rapidly retreated and Sweetie felt vastly uncomfortable. Friends? What? What madness was this lass caught with? Did she not see her? Did she somehow miss how obviously not-friendly Sweetie was? She did not have friends! She did not want them! They... they just lied and cheated and stabbed cats in the back with their incredibly sharp claws. Why the devil would she want something like that? And why did she feel so bad right now? She hated it! She wanted to make it stop!
A furious chuff stuttered through the air, echoing back through the trees at her. She was running in circles. She knew that. She was running and rerunning back over her own tracks, circling the same clump of trees over and over. Sweetfang did not care. Anything was better than standing still and freezing. No- that was wrong. She would take standing still and freezing over going back there. Back to that horrid camp with its 'play' and 'friends' and 'one of us'.
Sweetfang snarled again and tried to run faster, but her strength was already gone, no matter how much her frustration continued to burn. Demons take this worthless carcass, she could not hold a candle to the stamina of a cat half her size. She might have power, but she tired too quickly. Always had. Always would. Her race had already slowed to a trot. She dug her claws into the snow, ignoring the freezing ice that clung between her toes. She would bite it out later.
"Starlingfur." The crowd had faded. Cats had gone back to their lives. Sweetie -no, Sweetfang, trotted up to the queen before she could reunite with her kits. Queens did not like her by kits and she needed to talk first.
"What is it? I know you are new, but you are breaking your vigil right now. It is an important Clan custom. What is so important?"
"Aye..." the huge golden feline fumbled for words. "Aye uhm...." She what? What? "Why?" she finally demanded. Demanding was better. It was easier. To demand was better than to question as questioning implied weakness. "Why am Aye a Warrior?"
"You came here to join us..." The queen's eyes narrowed within her impassive face. "Did you not?"
"Aye," Sweetfang agreed with a nod.
"Then what is the problem, Sweetfang?"
The shecat opened her mouth, then shut it, then opened it again. The words would not come.
'Sweetfang'?
Was that what her new name sounded like when someone used it? Was that the sound she would hear from now on when someone yelled at her? Or hissed at her? Or... just... called to her?
Something was bubbling up inside the shecat and she had no idea what it was. It felt so strange. It was warm and growing but did not have the burning taste of rage or the scalding taste of shame and regret. It... it felt... better than that and it was entirely unnerving. Sweetfang was feeling so many different things lately and it was getting to be too much.
"Sweetie?" the leader asked, sensing something obviously wrong. A small disapproving frown marred the old tabby's face. "You suggested that name so if you don't want it then-"
"Noe!" The word was out before she could stop it. Curse it. That had been too quick. Too desperate. What was wrong with her. "Aye...Aye want to be Sweetfang."
Why did that feel so strange to her? Why did it feel like she was committing to more than just some strange name right now? Why was she scared?
"Aye..."
Starlingfur cocked a brow but waited.
"Aye want to be Sweetfang. In Cedar Clan," the shecat mewed quietly, bowing her head.
The words felt strange, foreign and thick in her throat. Sweetie... Sweetie did not want anything from anybody. If she wanted it, she got it herself, but this was something she could not get alone. This was something... more. Somehow. Someway. She was not sure. She was not sure at all how any of this worked or applied to her or why she felt weird right now. She was just here to pass the time. A new thing to try out over the winter, when she could not do much. It was hardly a big deal. It did not matter to her. She could leave whenever she felt like. She should probably have left already. That pinecone head Birchtail certainly wanted her to, and so did a few other cats more likely than not. She felt uncomfortable in camp with their 'play' and 'friends' and whatnot. It made her fur bristle and itch with discomfort -so why did she want to be here? Why was this silly name bringing a lump to her throat? Why is it when she said had those words, it sounded almost like 'Thank you' instead of just some repeated proclamation?
Sweetie did not need anyone. She certainly did not need to thank anyone. She did everything On. Her. Own. What did she care about some silly name she would probably just ditch in the spring when the snows melted?
...
But.... she did care. Somehow. Someway. It felt strange. Uncomfortable. She was not sure what to do. She... she almost wished she had someone to turn to. She almost wished she had a family she could ask for help from... An image flared up of Sweetie's mother and the shecat hastily recoiled mentally from the thought that scalded her like a brand in her mind.
Starlingfur's face gave away nothing but as her golden eyes watched the confusion and frustration playing out on Sweetfang's face at not being able to find the right words or even truly understand what she wanted to say, the leader's face did soften slightly.
"Sweetfang... have you made any friends in Cedar Clan yet? Found someone you could talk to?"
The huge golden rogue made a face of revulsion but wisely held her tongue and shook her head. No.
"Then let that be your first task as a Warrior. Get to know a clanmate. You are one of us now."
Sweetfang's gaze locked on the Leader's and her eyes were wide with shock. 'One of us'? She had never been one of anything bigger than one before. Sure, she had lived in groups, but that had been partnerships. The second her ability to fight or perform lowered, there was no question as to where she would be, or what position she would find herself in.
'One of us'.
Sweetfang had not known what to say, so she merely gave a brisk nod and bolted to the Wall to begin guarding.
'One of us' ?
Sweetfang's paws stopped, her legs quivering slightly from both the cold and the effort she had expended on her run.
Play. Friends. One of us.
The shecat stared at the snow between her paws without truly seeing it. She did not understand this. Any of this! These cats... they were so strange. They invited her to do things she had never done before. She knew of them, of course. She was not stupid, but... but no one did those things with her. Sweetfang's growl of frustration and confusion rumbled deep in her throat. She wished she could fight. She wished there was something she could battle. Blood and Bone she understood. Pain and Anger were her friends. She could relate to those. She understood those.
And yet this clan held none of it!
Aside from Flickerkit and Birchtail, these creatures could hardly even call themselves cats! They were like prey! Really, really big prey! Sweetfang wondered how such a simpering bundle of tree-huggers had not only not been obliterated by natural selection long before this, but had managed to stay alive together for two whole seasons without someone stronger and tougher coming in to wipe the whole mutant clan off the face of the forest. Cats simply did not act this way! They were not nice without reason! They did not just welcome others with open paws without a fight! They did not just 'play' with monsters that could eat them for breakfast! They did not just 'make friends' with an animal that could rip them limb from limb with hardly a moment's thought!
Sweetfang caught sight of a partially frozen pond to her left. She smashed a paw through the thin layer of ice, feeling marginally better, and reached down to take a drink. She paused as her reflection looked back at her with a strange expression. It was not anger or fury or sarcasm. It was... confusion. Innocent confusion. She almost looked like a cat.
A cat.
Was that it? Was that why all of this felt so strange? Monster. Animal. Beast. Predator. Savage. These were all the names Sweetfang knew, and knew them well. They described her. They were what she was. She was not a cat. No one had ever let her forget that... So why were these cats trying to? Why were they treating her so differently than a beat and so much like any ordinary cat they saw down the path? It... it was not right. It did not feel right. She did not understand. She did not trust it.
But did she want to?
She hardly knew, and that scared her even more. Sweetfang lived a life of hostility and battle. There had always been the threat of attacks on all sides. That was the way of the Wild. She could never be 'a cat'. She could not change who she was, as much as ... Well, she did not want to. She was fine. Just fine. She did not need to be some dumb cat to be happy. She could rip a cat in half with hardly a bit of effort! Why should she envy a being that was weaker?! She should be insulted that these cats treated her like an equal to them!
But that just sounded like bravado, and not a good one at that. Sweetfang's face was contorted with confusion and loss. She... she just did not understand. She wished there was something even moderately familiar in this clan. She hardly longed for the days of waking up expecting an attacker in her nest or fighting to earn her meal, but... but she could not handle all this clanness surrounding her! That was why she was out here. That was why she had needed to run. Their.... kindness... it... well... it was not bad. At least, she did not think it was bad. It could still be a trick but it did not seem like it was but it... it made her so uncomfortable! And so confused! And there were all these cats all the time always trying to talk to her instead of fight her and it was just too much and-!
Sweetfang took a moment to stick her head between her paws into the soft snow, praying the cold would help ease her frustration. This was just too much. Even if it was not bad... or ... did not seem bad... maybe... Ugh! She just could not handle it! It was pressing in on her from all sides and she did not know what to do! She needed something familiar. She needed to fight. She needed hostility. She needed something that she knew how to handle amid all this.... this..... niceness. Even if it was potentially a good thing, it was too foreign for her. She had to get away from it. She had to. She needed something she knew. She needed something she could understand! Something that made sense in the crazy upside down rabbit hole she had stumbled into! She needed something to ground her in this strange, crazy world that she did not want or understand. God, she just needed-
A crunch sounded behind the shecat. A paw on snow. Sweetfang whirled around, fangs bared and hazel eyes flashing as a hiss spilled passed her lips. There was no bite behind it though. Her eyes were more filled with fear and confusion than anger, their soft green gaze betraying how the shecat truly felt.
She was vulnerable, and any cat could see it.
